My talk

For Kyle, Jaden, Ty and Reese . . . as well as others.  But mostly for Kyle, Jaden, Ty and Reese.

            Recently there has been another push by the church hierarchy to its members to better know the Articles of Faith; first for the individual and second for the sharing of that person's beliefs.  These 13 Article's of Faith summarize important foundational beliefs in Mormonism.  And because the Articles of Faith have been a recent topic of conversation in our home among both my immediate and extended family, I have been looking forward to speaking today.  One A of F in particular that has been discussed in our home is the 11th.  “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, we allow all others the same privilege, let them worship, how, where or what they may.”  There are two distinct statements in this article, the first is a statement that we as members claim the privilege of worshiping the Almighty God according to OUR own conscience.  The second is a declaration that we allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where or what they may.  Frankly, it is my opinion that the second half of the Article of Faith is not lived well by its members.  We preach it, we memorize it and we claim it to be our doctrine, but we fail to apply it as I think it is truly meant to be applied.  Particularly inside Mormonism in situations where loved ones have expressed doubts and are questioning their faith. How we apply it to members of other faiths is beyond the scope of what I want to talk about now.  My focus today lies with how we apply it to members within our faith.  

             I find the 11th Article of Faith interesting given what we know about Joseph Smith.  Here's a boy who at the age of 14 is expressing doubts and questioning his faith.  Or rather the faiths of his childhood.  I say faiths because at that time a few of Joseph's siblings and his mother were joining the Presbyterian faith, while Joseph was partial to the Methodist's.  But it was after visiting those churches as well as the  Baptist  Church that Joseph questioned all of their validity.  So what does he do?  As we all know, he offers up a prayer seeking divine direction after reading this passage in the Bible:  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5

          The take home message here is that our church was founded by someone asking questions and thinking critically about truth.  Joseph is on a quest for truth.  His truth.  He was a truth seeker.  What troubles me is that although our church was founded by someone asking questions and seeking truth, when members today learn that a fellow ward member, or family member, or old roommate from BYU is questioning their faith, instead of allowing these loved ones the necessary room to explore, question, and find answers, these people are often ostracized, marginalized and even considered a threat to the faithful mass.  But this cultural phenomenon is inconsistent with the second half of article of faith 11 which states that we allow all men, without equivocation, whether members of the church or not, the right to worship how, where or what they may.  Simply put, it is our doctrine that requires us to allow others their free agency to worship how they may, yet I would venture to say, it is our religious culture that often unintentionally smothers that beautiful understanding by our often harmful reaction to those who truly question.  It's my hope that more members instead of being threatened by a loved one’s questioning of the faith, would support and embrace the sincere and earnest investigation of our doctrine.  Elder J. Reuben Clark said, "If we have truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation.  If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed."
          I can't tell you how thrilled I was last fall to hear President Uchtdorf's General Conference talk,  Come, Join With Us.  It was unprecedented, it was overdue and it was very welcome.  He said:

One might ask, if the gospel is so wonderful, why would anyone leave? Sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or sinful. Actually, it is not that simple. In fact, there is not just one reason that applies to the variety of situations.  

Some of our dear members struggle for years with the question whether they should separate themselves from the Church.  In this Church that honors personal agency so strongly, that was restored by a young man who asked questions and sought answers, we respect those who honestly search for truth. It may break our hearts when their journey takes them away from the Church we love and the truth we have found, but we honor their right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim that privilege for ourselves.

Some struggle with unanswered questions about things that have been done or said in the past. We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200 years of Church history—along with an uninterrupted line of inspired, honorable, and divine events—there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question.

Sometimes there is a difference of opinion as to what the “facts” really mean. A question that creates doubt in some can, after careful investigation, build faith in others.  And, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.

Joseph Smith, honored the right to free worship:  He said quote:  "It is one of the first principles of my life one that I have cultivated from childhood having been taught it of my father[s], to allow every one the liberty of conscience." 

From Church History we read: During an 1843 session of Conference Joseph acted strongly against church leaders who had reprimanded a church member for teaching something unorthodox.  His objection went like this:  "I did not like the old man being called up for erring in doctrine.  It looks too much like the Methodist, and not like the Latter-day Saints.  Methodist's have creeds which a man must believe or be asked out of their church.  I want the liberty of thinking and believing as I please."  -- History of the Church 5:340

Leonard Arrington, church historian, who was considered the "Father of Mormon History," said, “That there was intellectual ferment in early Mormonism is clear; the dispersion which occurred after his death in 1844 is evidence that Joseph Smith held together persons of a wide variety of opinions and beliefs.”  Arrington then goes on to talk more specifically about the prophet’s attitude toward the dogmatic personalities that are found in every religious tradition, noting that "Joseph Smith often opposed the dogmatists within the Church who, once they got hold of a ‘truth,’ sought to discourage the creative thought of others who continued to experiment with even newer truths.”  

"For Smith, then, settling a doctrine once and for all was not nearly as important as spiritual questing, each person united around certain principles but then reaching and stretching toward God."  Frances Lee Menlove in her new book, The Challenge of Honesty: Essays for Latter-day Saints.  

I love that last part -- reaching and stretching toward God.  I think it encapsulates our Mormon belief to allow others to worship how, where or what they may.  Who are we to question someones spiritual questing or seeking of ones own truth?  Like Joseph Smith we are all truth seekers.  Mormonism, as I know it, has absolutely taught me to "quest spiritually."  I am grateful for that.  Additionally, it is that same spiritual questing that has caused a number of my loved ones to leave Mormonism.

Over the past 10 years Kyle and I have been navigating a difference in religious preference.  I'd like to share our story with you.  We met in college shortly after Kyle's mission at a time in our lives when the church was very important to us both and neither of us had any reason to believe that would ever change.  Within a couple of years Kyle began expressing some deep doctrinal concerns about the history of the church generally and Joseph Smith specifically. These concerns were troubling to us both.  My initial reaction when Kyle voiced these concerns was probably the traditional Mormon reaction when someone expresses doubts about their faith and that is, I felt threatened and scared, and my response to him was to go back and read the scriptures a little more and pray a little harder until he received the same answer that I had. I just assumed that something was a little bit off and that a little more work and prayer would bring him back into alignment.  But that didn't happen.  In the middle of Kyle's faith crisis I started asking myself if we had a future together in a world where he didn't believe in the church.  Although we were very much still in love, his faith crisis rocked me to the core.  After 4 or 5 years of struggle and fear I realized that I had been conditioning my love for Kyle upon his continued membership in the church and his belief in the restored gospel.  Looking back, there wasn't one event, but gradually, over the course of years my love evolved as I was able to remove the condition that Kyle had to believe the same way I did.  Respecting his free agency, just as I hope others would respect mine, and applying the 11th Article of faith has made all the difference.  I look at our relationship today and how it's evolved where our relationship is more authentic, real, and meaningful as we've learned to respect one another's journeys as we both reach and stretch toward God.  My love for Kyle has evolved and deepened throughout this struggle, just like my testimony has.  Kyle and I wrestled about the same issues and those same issues have taken us down different paths, so far, and that's ok.  For me, confronting these historical issues and doctrinal questions has refined my testimony.  I'm following my truth and it is beautiful.  For Kyle, the same historical and doctrinal questions proved too much for him to stay in the church.  He's following his truth and it is just as beautiful.

As parents, Kyle and I believe our religious difference of opinion will be advantageous to our children. Mom believes X, Dad believes Y, your job is to find out what you believe.  Whatever route they take we will love them without condition.  And we will teach them to quest for truth wherever their life's journey leads them.  I love this quote from Alistair Cooke:  "The best compliments to a child or a friend is the feeling you give him that he has been set free to make his own inquiries, to come to conclusions that are right for him, whether or not they coincide with your own.

In closing, I'll mention that I was hesitant to tell mine and Kyle's story today.  At first it seemed beside the point really, because without the telling of our story my message can stand on its own.  But as Kyle reminded me this week, I need to tell our story because it may be of some use to one of you.  Our church is beautiful, but it's not perfect.  I know first hand that there are a lot of people struggling. Whether it be a struggle with doctrine or with historical mistakes, or lifestyle.  I know I could have benefited greatly at the beginning of our journey knowing there was someone to talk to who was experiencing what we were.  Unfortunately, there is not a forum for that within our church, so I am speaking up about it here today.  

I wish that the doubting and questioning that undoubtedly exists in all religions but specifically in mine didn't carry with it such a negative connotation.  Because it has been my experience that the road of sincere inquiry and spiritual questing can lead to a very beautiful place.  The more I learn the more I realize just how much I don't know.  For a church that claims to have all the answers, I've found that I am most comfortable admitting that I don't know.  I don't know with absolute certainty that this is the only true church.  But what I can tell you is that I believe it is my true church, and that’s enough for me.  With the exception of Article of Faith 11, all of the Articles of Faith begin with the words, "We believe."  Somewhere along the way, belief has morphed into knowledge.  But knowledge isn't required.  The first, and most important, principle of the gospel is Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. "  I believe all religions have truth.  That concept has been very liberating.  It has revealed a more beautiful and rich Mormonism that for me hadn't existed before.  My efforts to seek truth by spiritual questing have allowed me, at present, to have emerged with a rich understanding of what I believe to be my truth.  Along the way I have felt the support and guidance of Heavenly Parents who want for me to use my free agency and critical thought to come to a conclusion that is right for me.  And it is my testimony that we will be a better people and religious institution when we openly embrace those within our faith who ask questions and seek answers.  In this way we will be living the second half of Article of Faith 11 by allowing others to worship how, where, or what they may.  In the name of  Jesus Christ, Amen.

 This sacrament meeting talk was given February 16, 2014.  My motives were/are: 1) to create a safe place for my family to worship in our new ward going forward and 2) to help put an end to the awful phenomenon that we turn our backs on our loved ones who sincerely question.  As an update, I have been overwhelmed by the positive, grateful and even emotional responses that have poured in since speaking last Sunday, both by my local leadership and the rank-and-file members.  Plenty have identified with it in ways that I hadn't necessarily considered it to be helpful.  It has been a beautiful week for Kyle and I, both individually and as a couple.

*The reference for the Arrington quotation is: Lenard Arrington, "The Intellectual Tradition of Latter-day Saints, "Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought 4, no. 1 (Spring 1969): 17-18